


Shared mind, shared heart

by AlAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Eventual Canon Divergence, F/M, mentions of Lucifer killing people, probably more but I don’t know how to describe it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-09 21:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14723999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlAngel/pseuds/AlAngel
Summary: You have to be connected to your vessel so it’s not just a temporary thing like Nick!Lucifers was. Lucifer feels that connection with the reader and somehow gets her to say yes. She regrets it and wants him out because she of course sees all the bad things he does to the world through her hands. But she also knows that if she wants him out he’ll probably harass Sam. So she’s super passive aggressive and tries to fight Lucifer on every little decision.   All the while does he try to get her to cast him out, because for him the initial connection developed into real feelings and even though she’s better than any other vessel she will still eventually die from ‘hosting’ the devil.





	1. Close quarters with the devil

Title: Close quarters with the devil  
Characters: eventually Lucifer/reader, not in this though  
Fandom: Supernatural  
Word Count: ~1.8k  
Warnings: mentions of Lucifer killing people, probably more but I don’t know how to describe it  
Part: 1/5?  
Request/Summary: You have to be kinda connected to your vessel so it’s not just a temporary thing like Nick!Lucifers was. Lucifer feels that connection with the reader and somehow gets her to say yes. She regrets it and wants him out because she of course sees all the bad things he does to the world through her hands. But she also knows that if she wants him out he’ll probably harass Sam. So she’s super passive aggressive and tries to fight Lucifer on every little decision. All the while does he try to get her to cast him out, because for him the initial connection developed into real feelings and even though she’s better than any other vessel she will still eventually die from ‘hosting’ the devil. She’s not Sam, his true vessel, after all.  
…

“What are you doing now?” You’d gotten used to hearing your own voice just inside your head. True, when Lucifer used it out loud to speak it sounded like you too, but you refused to call that your voice anymore. You watched him kill angels, demons and innocent humans using what used to be your hands. You watched, wishing him something worse than hell, and deep down you knew one day he would get what he deserved.  
“Right now?” Inside your head you could hear Lucifer speak with something that must be close to his real voice. It was deep and dark, just like you’d expect from a ruthless fallen angel. However it could also be sweet with just a hint of an underlying carefree humour, probably a glimpse at that split tongue serpent thing the bible mentioned.   
You were again facing his persuasive, false sweet side now. You hated that most about you shared time, because whenever he was like that a very tiny spark in the back of your mind – or what was even still your part of your mind? – tried to convince you there was more to him than the devil.  
“Right now I’m trying to understand why my baby brother thinks TV in general and channel surfing specifically is such a great thing. So far I’m not convinced.”  
Lucifer directed your shared eyes at the TV. Some guy in a white lab coat was running down a corridor with flickering lights. You would have almost called it suspenseful if you hadn’t recognised the show. You groaned. This must be what hell really looked like, being forced to watch the re-run of the re-run of a terrible Doctor Sexy episode with no chance of looking away. God, you hated Lucifer.  
“I can hear your thoughts” Lucifer’s voice told you, your eyes still glued to the TV screen “Don’t be rude, there is no need on calling on Dad. It’s not his fault I’m your personal pain in the ass.”  
“So you admit to being a pain in the ass?”  
“Aww you know I’d do almost anything for you, sweetie pie” You could feel your lips tug up slightly. Lucifer found odd pleasure in teasing you with sweet nicknames and pretending to care one bit about what you wanted.  
You paused a moment to rearrange your thoughts, before a deep sigh left your mental voice. Apparently he wasn’t just using your lips to smirk at you. “Did you seriously just use my own eyes to wink at me?”  
“It’s not like I have a spare pair lying around. Although…”  
“Can we not murder someone just yet? It’s Monday morning, let’s start this week on our best behaviour.”  
“I love it when you try to order me around. Gives me goose bumps all over.”  
“You want an order?” You huffed “No murder on Monday.”  
“Come on, sweetie pie” He teased, his voice still sweet but also getting a bit deeper “As if I’d interrupt our lazy TV date. You think I have no manners?”  
“Remember how you stabbed that demon two weeks ago and then went out for burgers? You didn’t even wash your hands! That’s all I’m saying about manners! That was the grossest thing I’ve ever seen.” You argued, mentally crossing your arms. Really, it was kind of hard sometimes to express yourself seeing that you were unable to gesture or even pull faces. Additionally the need to every once in a while simply slap the devil nice and hard was a great downside of your current ‘living arrangements’.  
“He was about to stab me” Lucifer sounded offended “What would you have me do? Stand there and take it? He wasn’t even a very high up demon! And an idiot! Did you noticed how his shirt was buttoned the wrong way? Bothered me ever since he walked in.”  
“That is what bothered you?”  
“For your information, yes!”  
“I can’t believe you” You sighed again, positively sure that if you were still in charge of your own head that this conversation would be giving you a massive headache. Maybe there were some up sides to this after all.  
“Can’t handle the devil, sweetie?” There was a warm tease in his tone, but you also felt something underlying to it. For the millionth time you wished you could actually see Lucifer’s face when talking to him. He was the devil, hiding behind snarl and the sweet talk of his split tongue, but even someone like him must have some of his feelings reflect on his face. You never realised how hard it could be to talk to someone and never see them react. It was like only ever speaking over the phone. Long distance didn’t even come to describe it, because he was right there and yet so far away sometimes.  
Igh when did this banter fight become so deep? You scowled – or tried since you couldn’t really without a face.   
“Sometimes I think I just can’t handle you, Lucifer” You admitted at last, taking your time to let the words bounce around your part of your mind “The devil seems like a so much easier, more one dimensional creature than you ever could be.”  
“So you’re saying I have layers?” For a moment you heard surprise ring through with his words.  
“I’m saying you’re the most complex asshole I ever shared a mind with!”  
“I’m gonna go with you like my layers” You heard the grin in his voice, especially when he added “sweetie pie.”

You had settled in for the night. Lucifer didn’t really need sleep, but you refused to let that ruin your inner clock.   
It was weird settling back inside your own mind, letting someone else take full control. At first you had been scared about not being able to come back once Lucifer got hold of every part of your body and mind, but after months of your shared living arrangements it felt like second nature. There wasn’t even any struggle left in the morning. Sometimes you felt as if Lucifer was glad to have you back, as if he didn’t like being alone in your mind.  
On some level that theory even made sense to you. He had been inside a cage, alone, for so long. Was living in someone else’s mind and body not just like that? Another lonely prison he didn’t choose?  
“Hey, (y/n)”  
“Mhm?” You replied sleepily.  
“Don’t you want your body back?” His voice was quiet and strained in a way that you hadn’t heard before. Fighting back the sleep you returned a little further to your shared mind space.  
“Sure, I would”  
“Then why not cast me out?”  
“Because…” You took a deep breath as you felt unprepared to have this kind of conversation all of a sudden “Because I can’t let you go after Sam Winchester. He’s your true vessel. But he deserves better.”  
“You know this will kill you eventually?”  
“You mean my skin is gonna peel off and I will be a real-life zombie till my body finally can’t take it anymore?” Your voice didn’t even waver, a fact you felt oddly proud of “I know.”  
“Then why not make me leave?”  
“I made it this far” You joked lightly, ignoring the sudden dread that the thought of the inevitable caused “Who says I can’t hold you just as good as Sam?”  
“You’re being stupid” There was a hint of anger in his tone. It came so suddenly you couldn’t really place it. Why was he angry you kept being his vessel?  
“I’m practical” You argued “Don’t complain about me letting you stay when I’m about to go to sleep. At least wait till the morning for your daily bitching session.”  
“I’m serious”  
“Me too.”  
“I don’t want you to die.”  
The words hung in the air between you, thick and tying both of your tongues. It was the kind of confession you had never expected. Mostly because you didn’t think Lucifer had any sort of opinion about you other than the handiness of the free ride he got. You had never thought about the possibility that he cared.  
And now you didn’t even doubt it. You shared a mind after all. There was not much lying to each other there. Sure you still had that tiny corner that you claimed as yours, but other than that you didn’t think there was a Lucifer-only corner.  
Where was this coming from then?  
“You just never listened” He said, answering the question you hadn’t properly voiced yet apparently thought loud enough. “You’re just so idly oblivious to the things right in front of you.”  
“I’m not naïve”  
“No” There was a softness to his voice that was nothing like his double tongued sweet talk. This felt more honest, closer to the real Lucifer than anything he had ever said to you before. “Just oblivious. You’re right there, fighting me on every little thing I do that you don’t approve of, but never fighting my presence. It’s almost as if you’re content with having me around. I know you’re only doing it to protect the Winchesters baby giant, but… it’s weird being not wanted, yet having someone stick around anyway.”  
“Then why don’t you leave?” You asked quietly “You know why I let you stick around. What’s your excuse for staying in this mess then? Is it the easy vessel, you too lazy to find someone else?”  
“I don’t want anyone else”  
There was a sudden pause. Everything seemed to freeze for that one moment. Your limited mind, occupied and cramped by two people at the same time, needed a moment to process all the things going on inside. It felt like the eye of a storm. The centre of a turmoil filled with very different emotions. There was surprise, confusion, hate, a hint of sadness, but at the very centre so close to that quiet eye of the storm there was a circle of care and a small spark of love.  
It wasn’t the romantic kind of love, not necessarily, not yet, but the kind of love someone feels when they lived close to someone for a very long time. When you see someone, really see them for the first time, and you quietly notice that what you see is not what you expected and for some reason you aren’t disappointed. You are glad that the person you see is the one you secretly hoped, but never actually believed, was somewhere in there.  
“I’m sorry, that sounded sappy”  
You still weren’t sure what to say. Sure Lucifer sounded like he was just joking again, but you could also hear the edge in his voice. He hadn’t meant to admit what he said. It just came like the natural thing to say and now it was out there with neither of you knowing what to do.


	2. Alone at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up to discover a small miracle.

Title: Alone at last  
Characters: eventually Lucifer/reader, not in this though  
Fandom: Supernatural  
Word Count: ~700  
Warnings: mentions of reader thinking she would die, lots of happy tears,  
Part: 2/5?  
Summary: You wake up to discover a small miracle.

You must have fallen asleep at some point within the silence that had stretched on after your conversation with the devil inside your head last night. When you woke up you opened your eyes and felt like you woke up from a very long and deep sleep. Your hands wandered up to your eyes, rubbing the sleep out of them gently. There was a bit of a funny taste in your mouth and your brain silently cursed Lucifer for going out to try some weird food again without remembering to brush your teeth. Would he ever learn? Seriously teeth brushing, morning and evening, even a five year old child managed that, it couldn’t be so hard!  
About to start the morning with another grumpy lecture you opened your mouth. Then close it again. Your eyes widened as you repeated the process another two times. Slowly you moved your lips, forming careful words and hearing your voice through the dark and empty motel room.  
“Lucifer?”  
For the first time in for ever it felt like your voice again. Your lips and vocal cords actually produced the sounds your own part of your head was commanding. No one way laying words in your mouth right now. It was all you. And you alone, you realised as there was no answer. Your head felt strangely wide and empty in a both familiar and really strange, unusual way. Huh.  
“I’m alone” Again you spoke the words aloud, not used to being able to actually form any words you wanted to say aloud. A strange shudder came over your body and you took a moment to realise you were crying.  
It felt incredible to be your own person again. Finally alone with your private thoughts and no longer forced to watch your own hands do things as through the lenses of a camera recording a horrible movie. You were you again. Entirely and solemnly.  
Slowly you turned your head around, both to take in your surrounding and because you could. Such a small thing to do yet it felt like a powerful grand thing to you. You scanned the room, clearly some mediocre motel room. There were dark curtains pulled shut to keep the sun out of the large window to your left, still a little glow sneaked through and threw a cone across the floor. The light must have been what woke you up and you blinked, feeling a rush of thankfulness for being able to wake up to something so trivial as the sun sneaking into your room.  
The rest of the room was pretty standard, a small table, cheap art, no TV though a little sitting area and a ceiling high bookshelf. You definitely stayed in worse places over the years.  
Running your fingers through your hair and over your face you decided maybe you should take a shower first. Being able to feel water running down your back again? Another rush of emotions hit you and you couldn’t help another small track of tears that made its way down your cheeks.  
Honestly you hadn’t expected to ever be fully in control of yourself again. You were surprised when Lucifer even let you share your mind, keeping you and your nagging, antagonizing words around. Over time you had felt yourself weakening, not just your hold on that shared mind but the complete hold of your body. You weren’t his true vessel, you had known that all along, so you expected to one day just crack open like you saw some of his other vessel do.  
Making your way over to the bathroom you looked into the mirror. Meeting your own eyes you noticed the trail of tears running down the side of your face, accompanied by a smile that lightened up your eyes totally contradictory to the still spilling tears. This was you again. All of you and only you.  
"I made it out" You whispered as finally it really settled in. You were free of the devil, free of Lucifer. "I really made it out."


End file.
